It’s not restlessness, laziness, or anxiety, it’s…

There are some words that are missing from the English language. Below I share two emotions that seem to be tragically lacking dictionary terms and thus limiting my ability to express myself to others:

There’s this feeling I often get. It’s not quite restlessness, although restlessness is close. When you’re sitting still, but your heart seems to be beating from a knot in your stomach  at an uncomfortably accelerated pace as if you had just seen a ghost. Your mind is racing, but unfocused. You’re frustrated, but not sure at what. At yourself? Some triviality: the friend who forgot to call you back (she was super-busy) or the barista who forgot to put whipped cream on your hot chocolate (an accident, quickly remedied). You know you have no reason to be angry at these people. Maybe you have nothing to do, but more likely there are a dozen things you could be doing, you just can’t bring yourself to do any of them. Maybe it’s laziness, but not really. Doing any one of these things could make you feel better, but you don’t. Instead you just sit and sit and count the minutes that pass by, time you’ll never get back. You feel _____.

That feeling when you see a small, adorable fuzzy animal and your brain just flips a switch. When a chipmunk runs across my path, and I stop mid-conversation, reduced from carrying on coherent conversation to squeaking single syllables. I stop dead in my tracks to point and stare. “Eeep! Look! So cute!” Or when you’re holding a sleepy kitten and can’t stop talking to it, “Awww, you’re a kitty. You’re so soft and warm. Hi kitty! I like you and want to hold you forever.” People start to look at you like you’re weird, but you don’t care because you just feel ____.

Once my brother and I were in the car with one other person. A cat ran across the road, and my brother and I simultaneously stopped mid-conversation and yelled, “kitty!” The other guy in the car just laughed.

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About evajge

A friend once told me that all I eat is chocolate and cheese. I was both disturbed and amused to realize that he was right.
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